When the Temple Isn't A Great Experience

Most of the time when people speak of the temple, they speak of strong feelings of peace, or spirituality, or sacredness. It builds an expectation that your temple experience should be some sort of supernatural spiritual transcendence beyond mortal life.

But what if it's not?

Can you even admit that to someone?

Are you a weirdo? 

Is something wrong with you?

Are you just not spiritual enough?

You may not find it discussed in most Sunday School classes or Relief Society, but there is a large population of LDS endowed members who have had bad experiences in the temple. There are people with personal circumstances in their life that make it emotionally painful to go to the temple. There are people who were weirded out by their first experience in the temple and have never gone back. There are people who just don't like it. There are lots of reasons, but the common thread is that the temple isn't always a great experience. 

I know many of these people.

They are good people.

There's nothing wrong with them.

I think if we were more willing to talk about our negative experiences in the temple, maybe we could resolve some of the underlying issues. There shouldn't be a stigma or shame in saying you simply didn't find or don't currently find the temple to be enjoyable. 

I wish I could tell you something magical to make it all better. But I'm not going to. Instead, I choose to validate how you feel and offer some suggestions you are free to take or ignore.

If your underlying issues stem from ceremonial issues, maybe a way to confront the issue is to discuss your concerns with knowledgeable people who can help share insight and historical context to the ceremony. It may or may not resolve your concerns. And that's okay! It doesn't make you a bad person or make you less worthy of God's love. There is some really interesting information out there about temples throughout history. I went to a presentation once about the history of women and veils. It was eye opening and fascinating. You never know, someone may offer some insight that will change how you see things. 

If your underlying issues stem from personal circumstances and emotional pain, I highly recommend finding a temporary alternative. Where can you find peace and feel God's love? The mountains? The beach? A quiet park? A bubble bath? Set aside a regular time to go there and contemplate your relationship with God. The temple can bring up painful feelings for those experiencing marital problems, a faith crisis, loneliness, or a myriad of other difficult personal situations. I can't tell someone to go to the temple knowing full well it will make them feel pain. That's not the intention of the temple. Don't go just to go and make yourself feel worse. Do something else to help you feel God's love. Work on it. Go back when you feel you might be ready.  

Perhaps you go out of duty and simply don't always have any special feeling or experience. That's okay too. Sometimes we just make something a habit and it just becomes an every day part of life. Having the temple be a habit isn't a bad thing. 

You may have thought the temple was disappointing. There aren't any mind blowing secrets there.  You don't go and rub shoulders with angels or have your mind opened up to visions all the time. That's not what the temple is for. 

I don't have all the answers to make the temple a better experience. That's not really the point of this article. If you take anything from having read this, simply remember that it isn't always a great experience for everyone and that's okay. If you haven't had a great experience, you are not alone. God still loves you. It's even okay to talk about it. If someone reacts poorly and doesn't think it's okay to talk about....well, they are the ones with the real problem. 

Your feelings may never change. God's love for you will never change. The latter statement is what matters most.